My MIL was and is a true blue grandmother who was there for me and the kids and still is. My mother, alas, wasn't and the only one who suffered for that was her. She was honest from the beginning, saying she wouldn't babysit, but did so for other people's children (hello, Janice) going so far as to pick up Janice's daughter from school, but unable to babysit my daughter.
Worse still, she would promise movie trips and TV hanging together time to my daughter then NOT follow through, leaving me to explain the situation. Eventually my mother withdrew from the world, and rarely left the house. Her life, well it was her life. She stopped living long before she died. The sad thing is the amount of interaction she had with my children was greater that she had with her other grandchildren! My kids got more than others, which is really sad. She did sew for my daughter and come relieve me at the hospital during the surgeries. She came to the birthday parties and always remembered the children on their birthdays and holidays. But it was as if the light went out and never came back on. Don't know who or what flipped the switch, but it got flipped and she lost out. I mourned her absence and still do.
And she knew it, one day, while the kids were in school and we were at lunch, she said, sheepishly, "well at least your kids have one great set of grandparents," and it broke my heart. Because, she did the best she could do.
So to all of you with glam mothers and grumppas, give it up. Give up the frustration, anger, and sadness. It's like the stages, try to get to acceptance. You had children because you wanted them, they are yours. Raise them tall and proud and give them the love you have and know it will be enough. Missing the moments is a baby's and toddlers life is like missing out on the fountain of youth. They renew and provide recovery from the toil life takes on you. They reaffirm the joy of life and laughter and if people pass on that, well stupid is as stupid does.
